Author Topic: Jokes section  (Read 22322 times)

Offline Froudy

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Re: Jokes section
« Reply #2445 on: January 15, 2018, 08:59:07 PM »
85 Year Old...

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm sample as part of his physical examination.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked the wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the women next door an she tried too, first with both hands, then her armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yes, none of us could get the jar open."
Assumption is the mother of all Fuckups

Offline Froudy

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Re: Jokes section
« Reply #2446 on: January 15, 2018, 09:00:16 PM »
Trump, Family Tree...

Judy Wallman Trump, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree.

She discovered that President Donald Trump's great, great uncle, Remus Trump, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.  Both Judy and President Trump share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory. On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: *“Remus Trump, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.”*

So Judy recently e-mailed the President for information about their great, great uncle, Remus.                                                                                                   

Believe it or not, President Trump's staff sent this response back.

*Remus Trump was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.  Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”*

Now THAT is how it's done, Folks, in politics!
Assumption is the mother of all Fuckups