More 'Orrible Flash-Monkeys!!!

[Jamz]

More 'Orrible Flash-Monkeys!!!

This morning I was riding to work, behind a few cars who were doing at most 35mph in a 40mph zone. I ride a bike, so I don't 'do' dithering like this unless there's a good reason.

The road has one lane in each direction, with a hashed area between the lanes at least as wide as another lane. As the road headed down into a dip, I pulled out over the (broken) white lines into the hashed area, and gave it a good healthy handful.

I've done it a million times before. In a few seconds I can overtake and be safely back in the correct lane well before any issue of visibility as the dip flows to the crest.

But today, Flash Monkey in his big white Transit van, coming the other way, took exception to this.

Maybe he thought my move was dangerous?

Yes, well, here's my message to him:

"Dear Flash Monkey,

Although I appreciate you may have branded my overtaking opportunity risky, as it potentially put me within 10 feet of your big white van (or would have if you weren't 50 yards down the road), can I just point something out to you?

I have overtaken many cars. Sometimes without the benefit of a nice wide, empty lane to aid me. Short of someone deciding to use the hashed lane to turn across in front of me, through a hedge, and into a field, there was very little danger posed to myself.

Perhaps you were trying to warn me about a potential hazard in the road ahead? Thank you for this, but my eyesight is rather good, and I generally rely on my own vision to alert me to hazards on clear and well-sighted stretches of road.

Was it my excess speed? I could have overtaken the cars in front of me without breaking the 40mph limit, but it would have taken much longer - so I did maybe 50mph to complete the maneuver as quickly as possible.

To my knowledge, going quickly in a straight line has rarely posed a threat to other road users.

However, I will advise you that when you flash your -ing lights like a sick disco DJ trying to torture an epileptic, the fact that you are melting my retinas is VERY unlikely to make my riding any safer for other road users or myself."

Why do people do it???

What possible use is it having some Nob-rot blinding you???

It's even more common for people to flash their lights at you when you've buggered up and are trying to avoid a crash!

So you've misjudged your overtaking, and a car coming the other way means you have to slam on the anchors or get yourself out of the way. What do they do??? Flash their -ing headlights at you!

"Gee, thanks! I hadn't seen you there before, but now you've flashed your lights at me I've noticed you!

Oh dear but now I'm blind-" *BANG*

ARGHHH!!!! :smt013

[masterofinsanity]

However, I will advise you that when you flash your -ing lights like a sick disco DJ trying to torture an epileptic, the fact that you are melting my retinas is VERY unlikely to make my riding any safer for other road users or myself.

pmsl , thats a quality phrase mate, you should write a book!

[Vard66]

Are ya ever tempted to follow folks who do this and slap them? Or is that maybe just me?

[zimm]

i once stopped and asked the daft old bat who'd been waving her hands about in a "oooh you are going too fast there young man, slow down lest all hell be unleashed and something nasty happens" kind of a way just what the f*** she thought she was doing.. she said i was going too fast ... which i pointed out didnt make much sense as i'd been able to check my mirrors, brake and pull over to the side of the road in order to be talking to her without any drama at all, and had in fact only been doing 55mph.. i think she mumbled something and i called her a silly old Camel and fecked off at warp 9 ..

once however i did get bested by some rather proprietorial chav twats who heard the bike coming down a side street, blocked the road so i had to stop and then nicked my ignition (and house) keys... on the pretense that i had been doing "80mph" (i hadnt .. the road was a hundred yards long) I parked the bike and called the police. I pursued charges for assault, obstruction and attempted theft until i heard they had hired a lawyer, then dropped it leaving them with a bill for legal advice .. w****ers.

[RedexRobB]

However, I will advise you that when you flash your -ing lights like a sick disco DJ trying to torture an epileptic, the fact that you are melting my retinas is VERY unlikely to make my riding any safer for other road users or myself.

pmsl , thats a quality phrase mate, you should write a book!

That made me chuckle too!

Zimm, Did you not try to stop them? Anyone who tries to take anything off of me has to work for it.

[zimm]

Zimm, Did you not try to stop them? Anyone who tries to take anything off of me has to work for it.

i was sat on the bike wondering what was going on and there were 8 of them ... if i'd tried to stop them the bike would have ended up on the floor.

[Jamz]

Kin ell Zimm!

If they did that to a car driver they'd spend the night in the cells on all sorts of charges! How come it's ok to do it to somoene on a bike? :smt013

[zimm]

Kin ell Zimm!

If they did that to a car driver they'd spend the night in the cells on all sorts of charges! How come it's ok to do it to somoene on a bike? :smt013

it was a LONG time ago ... 1997 i think .. in all honesty i was far too stoned to think about much more than getting my keys back and not being searched by the cops i'd just called

i was more long hair/lennon shades/doc martins/denim than alpinestars back then ..

[diesel]

i must say that if i am travelling in a group of riders there is always one that points to something, you look round, the feckers nick yer keys and toss em in the other lane. great fun till it happens to you

[RedexRobB]

i must say that if i am travelling in a group of riders there is always one that points to something, you look round, the feckers nick yer keys and toss em in the other lane. great fun till it happens to you

getting the kill switch is always a good one too

[Jamz]

i must say that if i am travelling in a group of riders there is always one that points to something, you look round, the feckers nick yer keys and toss em in the other lane. great fun till it happens to you

getting the kill switch is always a good one too

Done to even better effect if they flick the switch when you're inside paying for your petrol, and then can't work out why the bike won't start.

Fkrs! :smt013

[deviant]

Done to even better effect if they flick the switch when you're inside paying for your petrol, and then can't work out why the bike won't start.

Fkrs! :smt013

winds up my brother in law whenever I ride his bike because I always turn it off with the kill switch. he only ever turns it off with the key, so invariably he can't figure out why his bike won't start.