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Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:13 am
by Jamz
A year ago, when I posted about the Plague Of Daddy Long Legs in the UK, I predicted this would happen!

Now, here is what I was greeted with as I was heading to bed last night:

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That's a spiddy that you wouldn't get a pint glass over without seriously 'remodeling' the length of his legs.

As If they were planning some sort of peaceful -ing poker game or something, as I looked towards the other walls I saw this:

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And this:

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Ooh yes - the pics don't show them in their full hairy-assed badness, but these are all the same size as Mr T's head.

So I shot them with an airpistol. f*** them.

Ok, so I shot two of them. The first one, I took out a trusty Tonfa stick, and after two attempts to mash me some arachnid brains, his Ninja skills proved more than my own, and, dropping to the floor, he galloped off under the telephone table. By the time I'd got downstairs, he was nowhere to be seen. Keep an eye on the next Grand National, because that thing needed a damn saddle on, and I'd happily whip it before it left the enclosure! Either way it'd be a winner!

As all modern Ninja should have some firearms skill, I took no chances with the other two.

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And they weren't alone!

I've killed another three equally well-bred beasties in my house in the previous two nights!

I mean, you don't often a giraffe of spiders (that's the collective name for a group of them) this size! They don't get on! One of those fkrs patrolling the halls like the school bully who got made a Prefect is more than enough in one household.

Even scarier, they don't get that big overnight - so where the hell were they all hiding???

I don't know how long spiders live, but I'd bet any money that these are all at least a year old and the product of those dopey giraffe Daddy Long Legs!

Well done to them!

*claps sarcastically*

UPDATE!!!

As I was posting this, I saw what I believe to be Gallopy on the sofa opposite me! This time I tomped him with the TV Guide (two hits), and put the carcass on a box of Silk Cut to give a size reference! Bear in mind his legs aren't what they were in his running days, and stretched out they were at least twice what you see here:

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Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:34 am
by lindaloo
me been female, i aint a spider lover....far from it
but they take the piss!! tarantulas or wot??
so far this year, i have seen maybe 3 or 4 long legged beasties,
enough to make me jump,tried to hoover 1 up but it wudnt go :smt012
I have to say i would rather have the other creepy crawlies that
seem to be taking over my house, earwigs..and lots of them, woodlice,
mosquito thingies and hundreds of smaller spiders???..
is it this warmer climate then? :smt017
Watch me now get invaded with spiders similar to yours :smt066 am ready for em grrrrrrrrrr

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 1:17 pm
by Jamz
lindaloo wrote:me been female, i aint a spider lover....far from it
but they take the piss!! tarantulas or wot??
so far this year, i have seen maybe 3 or 4 long legged beasties,
enough to make me jump,tried to hoover 1 up but it wudnt go :smt012
I have to say i would rather have the other creepy crawlies that
seem to be taking over my house, earwigs..and lots of them, woodlice,
mosquito thingies and hundreds of smaller spiders???..
is it this warmer climate then? :smt017
Watch me now get invaded with spiders similar to yours :smt066 am ready for em grrrrrrrrrr

I hate to say it, but these are the first big spiders I've seen in at least a year - actually I've only seen a very small number of little ones in that time, too!

Until this week...

So don't feel left out, because if you had the Daddy Long Legs last year, you're bound to get these buggers! :smt003

Maybe they're the reason there haven't been many other spiders around...?

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:27 pm
by mycallsevern
Also what about all the slugs, millions of them, where have they all come from????

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:18 am
by Zedder
A mate of mine who used to work in Tesco's is friggin well freaked by spiders now. He says they're all in the banana boxes you get coming into this country and the beggars climb in there, get a nice visa-free ride and hop out at a store near you. Then when they realise it's flippin baltic over here.......they disperse to the nearest nice warm houses.

And he says they're beasts like the ones you have experienced jamz. :smt010

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 7:34 am
by masterofinsanity
i used to work for a distribution warehouse for safeways and you should see some of the creatures we used to get crawl out of the tropical fruit cases there! :smt103

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:43 pm
by superman
honestly spiders aint that bad except bein bitten (or should i say injected) by one is about 100 times more painful than a wasp sting but not many bite in this country i was more shocked by the fact you smoke SILK CUT!!!!!! :smt037
:smt003

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:09 am
by rene
i was thinking that as well! you only ever see french boygirls smoking silk cut

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:47 am
by Jamz
Cheeky barskets! :smt019

I don't actually smoke! So if I do choose to have one, I'll generally go for the weak-ass toad just to help my pint go down.. :smt002

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 1:02 pm
by superman
:lol: yea thats what me m8 was like when i used to smoke we would get the drinks in then i would offer an embasy No 1 (only the best lol) then when it came to him offering it was silk cut, it barely feels like your smoking anything haha you spark it up an most the smoke fks off through the holes in the side of the tip :smt003

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:24 pm
by rene
i hate metholes with a pashion i dont understand the point in smoking somthing that makes you think your having a breath mint.

L&B all the way! but sushh the Mrs thinks im quiting :smt003

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 11:01 am
by superman
i had to quit it was costing me an arm an a lung, i dont know why i smoked in the first place i tell ya. sometimes i think oh i could just smoke one but i never do so its all good. aint been out since this new ban either apparently everywhere smells of B.O now :lol: you just cant win.

Re: Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged B'stards!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:12 pm
by rene
its not to bad now they freshen the places up quite abit! so far i've been 4 days without smoking and its starting to get easyer shame is im out on the lash tonight so im sure its all going to go tits up!

Main reason for me to quite was to get healthy