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No its not!

A recent ebay escapade has seen me some brand new sprokets, new exhaust, new carbon yoke cover and maybe even a steering damper. Early tuesday morning, at around 10:30, i was lying in bed, half asleep, contemplating getting up on the day i get to go in late to college. Suddenly the door alerted me of a visitor, and i jumped into action, believing that my shiney new exhaust, sprokets or other bits and bobs were awaiting my signiture from postman pat. I pelt it downstairs in my jogging bottoms, shitty crumpled t shirt that i found on the floor, and still half asleep.

I open the door to reveal, not a postman, but 2 men, in black long coats with suitcases;

"good morning sir"

"ehhhhhhh" I replied, as my sleepy brain slowly processed that id been taken for a mug and the postman was still trying to get up the hill on his push bike.

"I'm reverend Abbot and this is reverend Grey, we'd like to talk to you this morning about how God created the Earth, and would like to hear your opinion on the matter, first of all, how do you think the Earth was created??"

Three letters slowly moved from the back of my brain, to the front..

W-T-F?

Now, im no religious person, but thats not to say i havnt studied the subject, i got a B at GCSE in R.E (oh yes) and enjoyed the odd occasion when we'd get to turn the classroom into the houses of parliment and argue about lifes random happenings. On this particular morning I was in quite the opposite state of mind. I must of been a picture standing at that door, the first guy kept the talk going, but the second guy gave up after about 30 seconds, and just stood there silent, realising i couldnt give a monkeys. That didn't stop me having to endure almost 20 minutes of agreeing with this rev and then getting a free, " Hour of need" booklet, which, ofcourse, ive read back to front....

You first thought was youR mistake it should have been


F*** OFF

and spoken out loud

We get dozens of those sort of crackpots here two of them handed me a magazine thing at the front door I said thank you and tried to close the door..............then they demanded money for the magazine..........................they got their magazine back...............

think they have our number down in their books cos they've never knocked the door since i told em i was a satanist.

LOL do they still go round???

I used to blast Slayer in the background and go to the door quite merrily dressed in black, 'Butchered At Birth' Cannibal Corpse t-shirt on full display and upside down cross hanging from my neck!

I never went so far as inviting them in, but often they had to end their preaching with "Oh..." because I'd stumped them on some point... then they'd come back the next time with an old copy of Watchtower that they could argue my point with!

My neighbours weren't quite so understanding, and I'm delighted to say I even got to witness the crazy old bint throwing a bucket of water over them at least once!

I wonder if she's in a warm place now...?

masterofinsanity wrote:think they have our number down in their books cos they've never knocked the door since i told em i was a satanist.

just park the gixxer in the front garden...that ought to do it.

deviant wrote:

masterofinsanity wrote:think they have our number down in their books cos they've never knocked the door since i told em i was a satanist.

just park the gixxer in the front garden...that ought to do it.

yeah good idea i'll sit and wait til they come round again.

Jamz wrote:I used to blast Slayer in the background

Reminds me of one christmas when some carol singers knocked on our door, dad wasnt in a good mood, closed the door, hooked up the stereo, sat the speakers on the window seal and blasted black sabath full blast

My mum likes to deal with preachers at the door, she lovel jahova's witnesses, apparently they are supposed to give you money if you are in need of it....

cargo wrote:You first thought was youR mistake it should have been
F*** OFF
and spoken out loud

I wanted to so badly believe me... I wanted to treat them like some dirty salesperson on the phone trying to sell me some fish from india, or rip me off by asking for credit card details.

However there was a mental block saying "don't do it or else your going to get a lightning bolt up the butt."

Scott221 wrote:

cargo wrote:You first thought was youR mistake it should have been
F*** OFF
and spoken out loud

I wanted to so badly believe me... I wanted to treat them like some dirty salesperson on the phone trying to sell me some fish from india, or rip me off by asking for credit card details.

However there was a mental block saying "don't do it or else your going to get a lightning bolt up the butt."

AH but thats just what all those guys are afraid of.
Thats why I call em devil dodgers.......................

I'm gonna look the devil in the eye and tell him to kiss my big fat hairy a***

masterofinsanity wrote:

deviant wrote:

masterofinsanity wrote:think they have our number down in their books cos they've never knocked the door since i told em i was a satanist.

just park the gixxer in the front garden...that ought to do it.

yeah good idea i'll sit and wait til they come round again.

I'll give you £5 if you can get them to sit on it while you take their pic!!!

OH COME ON NOW......THAT WOULD BE BLOODY PRICELESS!!

you think thats bad. i had the fucking jehovas knocking on my door one morning. nothing weird there u say. i was a single dad at the time and just got my daughter up for the day.

bearing in mind i lived on one hell of a rough council estate these boys have got balls. I answered the door in disbelief, stared at them, i was half naked covered in tattoos and a skinhead and they took one look at me and i thought great, they will f*** off before i chin em.

did they fook. they started on about god and i lost it. just stood there and screamed

ITS CHRISTMAS FUCKING DAY YOU CUNTS. WHAT THE f*** ARE YOU PLAYING AT. MY DAUGHTER HASNT EVEN OPENED HER PRESENTS YOU FUCKING CUNTS. NOW GET THE f*** OFF MY PATH BEFORE I SET THE DOGS ON YOU, YOU PAIR OF FUCKING ARSEHOLES.

got an audience for that one too. and they never came back

mate of mine just invites 'em in for tea then rambles incessant conspiracy theory alien pyramid stuff at them till they run away.. but he is proper mad and moving to slovakia to start a survivalist commune in order to ensure he comes out the other side of the imminent apocalypse as a holder of knowleldge and (in his words) a modern re-incarnation of the ancient Gods ..

I just tell em ive got a degree in theology and they havent the time to discuss things in the depth required so would they please f*** OFF.