I'm not one of these people who has a morbid fear of taking a dump whilst they're at work - but if at all possible I'll avoid it.
It's strange how the attitude to shitting at work changes depending on what you do for a living: most office workers tend to try not to, whilst factory workers will happily shite for England.
That alone is pretty ironic when you consider the actual states of the toilets involved. Office toilets seem pretty good until around Midday when your Office Shitbag somehow nips in and sprays rusty brown water up the walls.
Factory toilets permanently look like six gorilla's have done a 'Dirty Protest' in there. And smell like it, too.
Some people have the view that you should pinch every loaf out possible whilst at work - the theory being that you're getting PAID to do it! You can't really argue with this, and what better way to give a nice 'fk you' to that stingy boss than by making sure they pay you for it!
But, like I say, I try to avoid it - mainly because some filthy badger always either pisses on the seat or leaves half of their insides around the toilet bowl.
I think for most people it's the fear of being caught by a cow-orker. Remember back at school if anyone was caught in the act of taking a shite? There'd be a crowd outside in seconds, gobbing over the top of the stall, jeering and taunting and trying to steal the toilet roll!
It's a wonder anyone can shite after school!
I've never seen everyone point at someone who's just used the work klazee and comment on the stench. Yet.
But thanks to time constraints this morning (the good kind where man-batter and flap-snot is all over the place), I had a shite kicking this afternoon.
After cheese on toast, salmon in hollandaise sauce, and chicken burgers last night, the stench was rather pungent.
As I sat wondering if it would ever end, and feeling a bit like the cat who'd crept into the back room during Eastenders for a shady crap, someone came into the toilets...
Now, you may not know this, but some men make all kinds of fkd-up sounds while they take a piss. Some . Some whistle. Some make sounds like they're trying to piss out 6" jagged clumps of rock salt.
I don't know why this is - maybe it's something that happens when we get older, a bit like hoisting your trousers up your thighs and making that "Ahhhhhh!" sound every time you sit down?
Or maybe this was plain distress, or memories of James Herbert's 'The Fog' as the cloud crept over his shoulders, tugging at his gag reflex.
I stifled a snicker as he hurriedly zipped up, pausing at the sink for a split second before a well-timed *PARP* from me made his mind up that willy germs on his hands carried a much lower mortality rate than breathing in a recycled fish/cheese/chicken concoction.
The footsteps turned quickly away from the cleansing water, gathering momentum towards the sanctuary of the outer door.
I couldn't suppress the giggle as I head the victim actually gasp in air as the bolted through the door, with a pitiful, desperate, wordless sound.
And part of me - that sick little prideful giraffe part - decided I should do this much more often...
Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
- Jamz
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- RedexRobB
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
fucking class!
I tend to find that if someone walks in mid 'pinch off' there is an absolute urge to hold it in till they have left the toilet through fear of hearing the inevitable 'plop' if you were to continue............
- masterofinsanity
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
f*ckin p*ssed myslef laughing, you should write a book mate !
Don't forget people there is more to the zxr400 than this forum... check out www.zxrworld.co.uk also.
- Jamz
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
LOL!
Someone walking into the bathroom when you're all a-mid-shits could make someone with ADHD sit still for as long as it takes!
I bet there have been deaths on both sides of the stall from people holding their breath!
Someone walking into the bathroom when you're all a-mid-shits could make someone with ADHD sit still for as long as it takes!
I bet there have been deaths on both sides of the stall from people holding their breath!
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
i have a regular 10.15am dump, i cant go a day without it, sure i could hold it all day but then i wouldnt get paid 30mins for literally toad all.
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- Vard66
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
You guys get it easy. The shitter in my place of work is used by the unwashed massive, most of whom spend all day drinking lager/cider. The result of this is very floaty turds. Very big, floaty, bright orange turds. That you just. Can't. Flush. No. Matter. What. You. Do.
And that smell not quite like human faeces, nor quite like baby vomit, nor quite like decomposition at work, but a big mix of all three. For three f**kin hours.
It's becoming a regular thing towards the summer, that I pipe up as some yank or oriental is walking towards the toilets, and say something like 'I wouldn't go in there unless you really, really mean it, mate...'
And that smell not quite like human faeces, nor quite like baby vomit, nor quite like decomposition at work, but a big mix of all three. For three f**kin hours.
It's becoming a regular thing towards the summer, that I pipe up as some yank or oriental is walking towards the toilets, and say something like 'I wouldn't go in there unless you really, really mean it, mate...'
- Jamz
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
LOL that Magners has a lot to answer for...
- diesel
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
hehe class. trouble is with me i eat so much spicy stuff ( ya know the sort. i drink from my bottle of tabasco , i have a 40 quid bottle of chilli oil , Da Bomb Final Answer if u wanna get some that if u get it on yer fingers and go for a piss, u balls burn for hours ) that when i go for a dump i cant stop mid flow. once its flowing its nigh on impossible to stop. the smell is phenomonal , and when you have finished i have to waddle down the stairs cos its burnt my butt. and it does take the skin off from around your ring too as my doc found out lol.
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
£40 bottle of Chilli oil? Would that be by Dave's or Blair's?
You should try and get hold of some Blairs Mega Death Sauce!
You should try and get hold of some Blairs Mega Death Sauce!
- diesel
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
Jamz wrote:£40 bottle of Chilli oil? Would that be by Dave's or Blair's?
You should try and get hold of some Blairs Mega Death Sauce!
nah i have megadeth and all sorts. this is far hotter. same heat rating as pepper spray the police use
i dip me french fries in blairs megadeth too
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Re: Terrible Shitter & The Stall Of Doom
that was fantastic.. i nearly shite myself from laughing so hard...
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