And electronic communications devices of all kinds.
They're all fucking annoying.
I never manage to get my point across in simply text, but phone calls are apparently a point of paranoia. Oh, there's another thing I don't understand. If someone's phoning you, they've already got your number, so quite what else can really be the issue there?
Hang on. I'll try to start properly.
I had a date for New Years, and she got persuaded by a bunch of her mates with an hour to go to me picking her up, that she should go to their party instead. The party she slagged off when I asked her if she wanted to come to a house party with me on new years, saying that she'd get tired of all the gossipping and girly giggling and yadda yadda.
*Got up to get food and forgot*
*Resume*
Whoah. I totally forgot I was ranting. Where was I?
Oh yes. Nevermind, I'll start again.
I had to work today.
I sat on my peach coloured, rose scented buttocks for eight. Whole. Fucking. Hours, because while we were supposed to get a delivery on the 28th, it never came, and when we phoned, we were told 'oh, no, you're not getting a delivery until Friday 2nd'. Great.
So I sat in an empty shop, with empty shelves, and an empty storeroom above me.
I had a few options to keep myself amused. One of my coworkers reads crappy mindless magazines like 'Hello!' and 'Celebs who like Doughnuts Weekly!', and also odd stuff like 'Bizarre Magazine' and these odd Murder mystery novels with real life stories about children who became matricides, etc, and then there's the Anne Rice novels.... I don't know how she does it.
Anyway, so, the point I was making is that she reads CRAP. Then she leaves it lying around Wine Rack.
So I had the option of reading that.
I never go anywhere without a pack of cards in the car or my bag, so I had four decks of cards, all shuffled, and I could play solitaire with them until I won, then sort them into order and start with the next shuffled deck.
I had a Rubick's cube in my bag.
So I played solitaire. It didn't last as long as I'd hoped, and all the cards were back in order. Four decks. I thought that would take at least five hours.
So I spent about half an hour with the Rubick's cube. Got frustrated and gave up, as I normally do, after doing two and a half sides.
(I did manage to convince a customer that I'd finished it and gotten bored again though, so there's one hot girl out there who thinks I can solve a Rubicks cube just from being bored - WIN).
That left the books and magazines. That's a lot of crap. I read most of it, skim read the Anne Rice novel, picking out particularly flowery romanticised literary pornography to laugh at, and abandonned the lot.
This point came at about half two. I was finishing at eight.
So I sat back and went 'Humph.' I then looked up and noticed the 'Wine Rack' logo above me on the sheets on the wall. I thought 'The logo for Wine Rack is really really blue. I wonder what made them chose that colour. I wonder if that colour is the same colour I see when I see 'blue'. Maybe the colour they - (the indescribable, gender-neutral, hypothetical 'they'), see as 'blue' is really some kind of half grey, half pink mash...'
I got so into my own thoughts *(if they are my own and not someone else's)* that I missed the door buzzer twice, and suddenly snapped awake to hear a voice going 'Helloooo?'
Every now and then I'd get up, wander upstairs and go 'oh, no, still no stock.' Once I broke the pattern by going upstairs and going 'oh, no, still no stock. ... ... or is there?' and spent half an hour sitting in the doorway to the stockroom going 'hmmmm...'
SO. Nearly six hours of contemplating life and creation and existence later, I came home.
Anyone who's ever sat and thought about bullocks like that before, do you ever find that it takes a few hours to get it out of your system?
I came home and someone said 'who the f**k is Chris Oram'. The following conversation ensued.
I'm going to copy and paste to save time effort and my fingers.
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
what are you on about?
Vard says:
when?
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
i have no idea
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
we were talking about your mates
Vard says:
we were?
Vard says:
you said something about who the f*** is Chris Oram
Vard says:
and I said he's one of my best mates
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
ahh yes
Vard says:
why?
Vard says:
and then you said
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
ahh yes
Vard says:
what the f*** are you on about
Vard says:
which just make me sit and think
Vard says:
I really don't know
Vard says:
but
Vard says:
does it matter?
Vard says:
if everything that we do and are might or might not be part of someone's imagination
Vard says:
or indeed, our own imagination, reverse that theory
Vard says:
then does it matter what I'm on about if the person I'm talking to may be my creator or the product of my seriously strained imagination and philosophical consideration thought trains
Vard says:
I could sit here and speak in
s, but would you understand me?Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
don't start with that pandoras cat falling in a woods bullcrap with me
Vard says:
you say that, but are you real?
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
why don't you let me kick you in the nuts and we will take a guess
Vard says:
for all I know, that's a small part of the back of my mind speaking on your behalf because you actually don't exist, and I'm in a tank somewhere with bizarre beings studying me
Vard says:
but
Vard says:
then
Vard says:
now I'm imagining that, maybe that's not reality either
Vard says:
I mean
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
no I am pretty sure
Vard says:
what's to say I exist at all if I'm sitting here thinking this?
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
you would not think you were imagning it
Vard says:
I think therefore I am, completely forgoes the argument of general imagination processes.
Vard says:
if I'm the only thing in the universe, what is the universe, what am I standing on
Vard says:
do I need to stand?
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
I'm impressed
Vard says:
Am I just a mighty great big blob
Vard says:
or
Vard says:
in fact, am I everything?
Vard says:
and if so
Vard says:
how big is everything?
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
have you thought of a carear in politics you can certainly keep up a good flow of total utter gobshite
Vard says:
the human mind cannot put a pinpoint on 'eternity' so I can't comprehend it, so perhaps I'm 'everything' but what I call 'everything' might simply be all that it's in my mental capacity to comprehend, and beyond that, those giant fucking odd beings are STILL studying me while I'm sitting here scratching my butt (if I have one) and wondering if I'm 'everything', or if 'blue' is really a colour betw
Vard says:
een what I call red and what I call blue
Vard says:
oh but wait
Vard says:
I reused the word blue
Vard says:
so
Vard says:
maybe there are multiple meanings for words
Vard says:
and that's a WHOLE different kettle of fish
Vard says:
holy f***, you spoke, hang on
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
I'm so saving this off and sending it to you when you arn't stoned
Vard says:
lol
Vard says:
or just posting it up on the forum
Vard says:
Vard says:
and there's another one.
Vard says:
what is a forum
Vard says:
besides the Latin definition for the noun, it's a cyberspace area
Vard says:
which
Vard says:
is
Vard says:
another entirely hard concept to grasp if you just jump straight out of the oven and into the existence of an electrically generated information based location
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
you are good
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
ill give you that
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
so what twoddle have you been reading to give you said ideas on existentialism?
Vard says:
I haven't.
Vard says:
I just had to work for eight hours today in a shop with no stock, empty shelves, and no customers, to which I failed to bring my book, gave up on my rubick's cube, played a million games of solitaire, read all the shitty magazines Grace left lying around and then just sort of sat there and went 'hmm.'
Vard says:
this point, I should hasten to add, came at about half two.
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
lol
Vard says:
after I started at 12
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
one has been bored then
Vard says:
marginally.
Jon - is feeling much better and looking forward to 2009 says:
i thought you worked in a pub
Vard says:
it all started by my looking up at the Wine Rack logo, and thinking 'that's really blue.'
Vard says:
...' or is it?'
Vard says:
I work in a wine shop, eejit
Vard says:
it was bad.
Vard says:
Very.
Vard says:
Fucking.
Vard says:
Bad.
Vard says:
Soul destroyingly bad.
Vard says:
Mind numbing (or awakening)
Vard says:
either way it hurt after about an hour
Vard says:
but
Vard says:
I'm sitting here listening to psycho-pop and eating pie and contemplating the entirety of creativity and existence.
Vard says:
What the f*** did you do with YOUR day?
IT FUCKS YOU OFF! You can be sitting there doing anything and you'll suddenly find yourself wondering 'is this real?'
It's like if you say a word more than about ten times in a row in a conversation, you can find yourself thinking 'did I just make that word up, or is that actually a word?' Then you say it a few more times to try to find out and that just fucks you over even worse, to the point where you're wondering who is talking, who is actually saying that word (word?). Then you shut up and everyone around you is ignoring you to the point at which you feel so fucking ignored that you're wondering if you spoke at all.
Anyway, my point is, what the f*** did you do with YOUR New Year's day?
