Paid not very much for it, and ticked the 'free delivery' option, so I was expecting it to take anything between a week and two to arrive.
It actually turned up within two days, before the weekend hit, so I was dead chuffed with it.
The idea, (and to a certain extent, justification), behind this action was to force me to finish redecorating The Den (which for some unknown reason is what we call the spare room downstairs), which is my room. I can't mount the speakers on the wall until I've finished painting both ceiling and wall, for fear of painting them, or having to un-mount them just to paint the wall.
I also can't set the set up until the old carpet is up, allowing me to lay the wires for the satellites to the exact right length, under the carpet, before the new carpet goes down. So the theory goes. It's working.
Anyway, I digress.
I subsequently realised that because the set (and subwoofer) are rather bigger than I had pictured them, and it's highly recommended that no other electrical equipment that might be damaged; (HDDs, TVs, etc etc), are kept within two foot of the giant magnets inside the Subwoofer, I have to rearrange my entire room around this set.
So, In order to get the job done, I went back onto Amazon.co.uk and after some time spent pouring over the massive choice, I picked a wall bracket to mount my 32" panel TV on the wall with, and ordered it.
I checked my e-mail inbox, and curiously, there's no confirmation e-mail, unlike the last order, so I checked in the 'open and recently shipped orders' section of my account on the site, and the order was there. Good-o, I thought to myself, and thought not much more of it, until a week and a bit later.
At which point the giraffe thing hadn't turned up.
So I went back on the site, and checked the 'open and recently shipped orders' section, only to find that my entire order history from the last two years has vanished, including this open order which has not materialised. I didn't think I would need to make note of the order number when I checked before, so I have no order number for said disparoo'd order.
Fucking excellent, just what I want.
So I try to find a 'contact us' button at the bottom, y'know, like pretty much any fucking other retail store usually has.
Instead, they use buttons up the top of the screen in the options board. Fair enough, it's just not where I expected it.
So I went to the contact us, and I was given three options. Express (which is an online for type jobby) E-mail or Phone.
I initially tried E-mail. Didn't worry about the details at the top asking for an order number, until I tried to send the message and was told I needed one. Ah.
So in order to contact someone about an order I don't have an order number for, I need an order number for it.
Well, that's convoluted and retarded, I thought, but hey, I'm clever, I'll just use the order number for the Z-5500 that was delivered, if that went through fine, that should at least be flagged as a correct order number by the system!
Nope, apparently that order number died along with any record of my ordering the Z-5500 set.
Fucking hell.
E-mail is therefore out.
So I turn my attention to express, and quickly realise that I need an order number in order to find my order using that. *facepalm*
Phone then, that must be the answer.
Upon studying the phone details, I discovered this.
Now, one of the supposed 'benefits' of this was listed;Amazon retards, in a fit of pure, beautiful idiocy, wrote:"You can still reach us the old-fashioned way but you'll miss out on all the benefits of our faster, easier Call Me service."
Cracking, I thought. That sounds wonderful, no machines, no contact with that most wond'r'us of beings, the automated calling system, the automaton, robotic, lack-luster voiced, bored female clone who answers this particular helpdesk line.Amazon, with a surprisingly appealing notion - so infrequently encountered in today's customer relations circles, wrote:"No waiting to talk to a person.
We'll connect you directly with a Customer Service associate."
So I clicked the 'phone' option, and was presented with a pop-up, giving me regional options in order to enter my number to be called immediately. The options were as follows;
Canada,
United States,
US Virgin Islands.
... and that's it.
So I can't get a call to the UK using this .co.uk sourced website?
The next paragraph goes on to say; "It's your choice. Click the Call Me button or you can reach us at 1-866-216-1072 to use our automated customer service system."
Oh. Right. Hang on a tick, didn't you just say... oh, nevermind, it looks like that's my only option, except, hang on, that's still a US number.
Wonderful, so now I'll be charged overseas rates in order to speak at length with a fucking machine?
Vard is angry.
No, that's not right, that doesn't quite cut the mustard.
Vard is filled with maniacal, inescapable, massively culpable, judiciously subverted bloodlust-rage.
It's a good job I've got a day off tomorrow...
