Well I didn't!
Ok, in the big scheme of things, yesterday was hardly apocalyptic, but it was definitely absurd.
It started with thoughts of my SBT blog (written on Monday and ready to post this Thursday), which, I have to say, was a rather fine start to the day. Now I just have to find a way to accomplish it without being alone.
I've had sex with lots of famous people in the past. Sabrina Solero (remember the song "Boys, Boys, Boys"?) was one of my first fucks. I've had Krista Allen many times, and her Emmanuelle contemporary - Sylvia Kristel. Kim Bassinger got it. Sharon Stone certainly did.
A fair few weather girls have, too! Don't they look great in the morning?
Of course, none of them were actually THERE at the time, but there's nothing they can do about it!
The sun was shining again, glinting off my helmet (Hey! We're off the sex thing now, you sick little monkeys!!!) as I straddled my trusty steed, the engine roaring into life with the bassy tones of the V4 rolling from the Scorpion can directly to every neighbours breakfast table. They love me! I'm sure they miss me returning from my ex's house at 2am on a Monday morning.
Have I mentioned how great my Bridgestone BT020 tyres work with my VFR? Best combination of bike and tyres ever! They heat up really fast - even the sidewalls are warm after a few miles - and are super-sticky! Just as good in the wet, too! Anyone who's ridden with me and seen me disappear into the twisties on my old slow bike will testify to that! Then again, at up to £280 a pair, and only getting 3000 miles out of a rear, they should be -ing good! I shall be swapping to a cheaper Avon AV36 rear very soon to see what that's like...
So on my way to work I pinned the throttle down a sliproad to overtake a filthy great lorry, and felt a brief tug on my left knee as I got some speed up - of course, it was no more than 72mph, Officer!
I knew what had happened, and sure enough my kneeslider had gone flying off! Dammit!
I've been meaning to put my new sliders on for a few month because they're worn to the bone, but I wanted to keep the old ones to show my Grandchildren and stuff!
Which means this morning I have brand new shiny sliders on which seem to cry out loudly to the world "THIS BIKER HAS NEVER EVER TOUCHED HIS KNEE DOWN!!!".
I know it shouldn't matter - but it does! I might even go to The Cloverleaf on my lunch break and at least get the left side scrubbed in!
So I got to work and we were laughing and joking as normal - the only thing that can make a menial and shitty-paid job standable - when suddenly Big Boss Monkey called me into his office.
"Oh toad." Thinks I.
Basically, he told me he had a direct line of sight to me from his office, and could see me 'laughing and stuff'. He wasn't happy about it. And I should stop it.
Maybe I should sit there looking moody and stressed, to improve the work environment???
Way to f*** the atmosphere for the whole day, Big Boss Monkey!
Sith Efrican Monkey was disappointed because I couldn't do my Scooby Doo impressions for her! I mean, how can you have a happy working environment without the odd, random, Scooby impression???
YOIKS!!!
Some people need to bring everyone else down at work to feel they're in control, I reckon. Not the way to keep anyone but yourself in fine spirits though, is it?
Will I still blog when I win the Lottery?
Yes, I probably will! So don't you lot worry your pretty little heads!
which meas I'm free to sit in my office looking terribly busy (on ebay and this forum) then walk out purposefully with my lap top case for a client meeting (halfords for nice new tools or nutz4bikes for new shiney bit or a coffee) if only they knew!
takes all summer to recover from the madness of it all, thank god for bikes, best stress relief i know.
. it all makes sence cos nov dec jan an feb have all the best gear bein delivered to the shops lol
them an all. 
i used to drive a delivery van but got robbed too many times 
so i gave it up to drive an oil tanker, much much easier