I woke up at 4am on thurs with the some bad pain on my left side. Went the bog had a piss and the pain was even worse. 4:30am i wake the missus up and let her know that im in some really bad pain. She phones NHS Direct and they say "couple of paracetamol and back to bed" I respond with a very colourful "no" and ask the missus to fone an amberlamps.
One arrives and they give me 20ml morphine which has no effect what so ever, which is strange cos im a slim lad. The amberlamps drives to the Royal (where i work) takin ages to get there. They plonk me in a cubical in A+E and start pumping full of drugs. It was awesome, some fukd up mega pain-killers cocktail. I was out like a light by 6:30am. Some time later i get wheeled onto CDU (Clinical Decisions Unit) for a bit where i fone the office and get the nurses network password reset for her while they are hooking me upto to some fluids to make me piss. Off to x-ray. I let the dude know im a desktop support engineer there so i want the good xrays not the bad xrays. he laffs and i tell him not to look at my willy. more laffs
After 2 litres of fluids i finally have a piss that was a very bold colour. I get moved to ward 8Y ESAU (Emergency Surgical Administrations Unit) where i will spending a good number of hours there. Said hello and intro'd myself to the other blokes in there while being wheeled in. I got a window bed cos i hooked up that nurse with a password before
favours for favours like....The bloke next to me, micheal, is about 60-odd and sound as f***. Has had a really interesting life, loadsa quality stories and a proper nice guy. The 2 lads opposite me were in there for less than a day, something to do with some huge fat abscess on there arses. I laffed and the got discharged about 6bells.
A mate turned up, the dude whose chain snapped and im fixing his bike, he was there within 10mins of finding out i was admitted and spent friggin hours with me. Good mate our Ritchie is.
Another lad, Adam 20y/o, got wheeled in about 7bells. He was covered in blood with a massive black eye and a proper swollen face. He got jumped on slater street thursday morning 2am. He slipped and fell backwards fracturing his skull. Then the 2 lads jumped on him while he was on the deck KO'd and started on his face. Cue a fractured cheek bone and the huge black eye. He was a really nice lad.
It was just us 3 on 8Y thusrday night and it was cool. To be honest, for a hozzie, we were all quite happy. It was quiet, we were all on massive amount of painkillers, clam, relaxed and life was good.
About 11 bells i was starvin so i wandered over the road to papa johns, used my staff discount, and got a pizza.
Munched that and fell asleep on the bed fully dressed with the little telly on.
6am. blood pressure, pulse and temp check. Yeah cheers for that murse.
Got changed and went out for a ciggie. My mate was there delivering the papers so i got a load free mags and had a laff with him. Told him he couldnt park there and called him a pikey
He is a good lad our chuckles' is, a really good mate.7:10am Starbucks for a proper coffee.
9am Goto the office, nick a laptop and an 4 way extension lead and say hi to the lads, tell them all to get off facebook and generally takin the piss
9:20am im calling mike and adam losers cos they have 1 plug socket while im there with my phone charging, laptop online through the corporate wifi, eleccy bed and telly all on the go. WINNER!
General milling about, going for fags, only returning to bed for free drugs or crap food.
Mates start to turn up and stuff, lets u know who your mates really are innit....
Friday night about 11pm i get carted off to ward 9X. Upon arrival it pitch black, roasting, faint smell of piss and a chorus of snores is being unleash........... Im not happy. Im fukin fuming. Dump my bag and storm outside for a smoke. I smoke, then return and get on my bed. The snoring is ridiculous, proper takin the piss like. Was close to discharging myself but i knew i need the painkillers. Earphones on, laptop on, stream tunes over the inet. Fall asleep on the bed in my clothes again.
6am. blood pressure, pulse and temp check. Yeah cheers for that murse.
Breakfast was toad, just like all the other food. Ward still roasting cos the old blokes were cold..... which i dont understand.
Had to put up with them all comparing the shades of piss in their pissbags. I nearly slapped every fukin one of them.
Lady Doctor turns up about 11am. I ask her if she is the "parole board" she says yes. And lets me know im outta there this afternoon. BEAST!
2pm my bag of free drugs turn up and im on the fone to swiss tony asking him to pick me up in his barge (some old rapid massive bmw thing)
2:20pm Swiss is there and im gone.
When i 1st arrived i was treated like an object, no emotion/feeling/personality was displayed by any staff. But i had a secret weapon. I kept my work ID Pass on my little bed table on wheels thing. The staff would see it and they attitude would change straight away.
So yeah, The Royal. Its an okay place to work, but i wouldnt want to be ill there.
Im at home now and im dreading trying to piss 8mm stone out. Its moved from the Kidney, through the ureter and is bouncing around my bladder. Its well weird, i can feel it bouncing after ive had a piss. I fear i may have to go back to get it broken up
Ill let you know, lolz
