ADVICE

[zimm]

dont think ive ever "got over" an ex ... more just "move on" .. the memories stay with you, but the pain fades and is slowly replaced by the interest you you have in whatever you find yourself doing.

[Caz]

I think Zimm has got it bang on, you dont get over them as you'll always have the memories, but the pain fades and you get on with your life.
Your interests / hobbies change, your social circle changes and the place that person filled in your life gets replaced by something/someone else as your life moves on.


I'd recommend taking up something new with a new group of friends - will help to occupy your mind! But what works for one person doesnt work for another.

[masterofinsanity]

well said both of you !

[lindaloo]

erm just wondering how can ya be divorced two and half times baz?????

[masterofinsanity]

lol, working on the 3rd

[RedexRobB]

It was -ing awful. Not least of all because I was losing everything and going bankrupt at the time as well, then had my bike stolen on top of it all...

Dont forget your tree fell down too!

An ex girlfriend of mine went to america back in 2003 to sell books door to door for the summer. I joined her in her delivery week and hired a car while i was at it to help her with her deliveries. It was all a bit weird from day 1 of that 2 week holiday, but on the 3rd day 'i dont want to be with you anymore'.

So, i was supposed to be having a holiday, spend the best part of a grand over the two weeks just to come home feeling toad. I did have the option of coming home a week earlier as her manager offered to pay the flight home, but i thought to myself things might change. They didnt. Instead the remaining 11 days were nothing but arguments and akward silences, probably due to the fact i was stuck in a car with her for 14 hours at a time. Worst bit was when we was arguing about the hire car, apparently it wasnt good enough (fucking lucky she got one she couldnt drive) and i was told 'i cant trust you to do anything'. Out of all the things that have ever been said to me in my life that was probably one of the most hurtful things anyone had ever said to me. Even now i get angry at it and thats 6 years on! It was just so unjustified.

I digress tho, it is hard, and the temptation to text and call can be ovewhelming. But dont do it, previously mentioned ex called me about a month later (pissed) and told me she wanted to meet up and have some 'fun'. Next day got the call, 'sorry i didnt mean it'. Its hurtful cos it gets your hopes up and at a time like that your feelings are vulnerable.

As said, how long it takes depends on each person, you never really get over it i guess exactly as Zimm said, like i said im still pissed off at some of the things that were said to me and you will always have the memories.

On the flip side tho, i met my current GF Gemma within the first few weeks of going to uni, who is far far prettier and nicer (ex was ginger(gotta try everything at least once, except homosexuality, incest and morris g!)) and weve been together 3 years now and should be moving in together this year. Im also far happier. Its not till you look back either. and think of the crap you probably put up with in a 'first love' that you realise your far better off without them too, but that just might be me.

I think looking forward always helps, and not looking back too often kept me in a positive state of mind, but ther will be times along the way when you feel 'things are good today' and days where 'i just feel toad'.

Not very nice splitting up, but it happens to everyone.

[superman]

cheers folks, all this has helped me out alot to be fair. im sure ill get through this somehow it is getting easyer day by day if im honest, so ill think of the old saying you have to run before you jump.

i think ill have to sort myself some new hobbys out or something too. christ knows what mind lol.

[Jamz]

Dont forget your tree fell down too!

LOL! Narrowly missing my dog! I'm sure there was something else that happened, too...

Anyway, I was devestated when I split with my ex-ex-ex. She suddenly went cold on me for no reason (well, nothing I'd done, anyway) and I fell into a pit of despair.

I'm still friends with her after a total break in communication.

In fact, I'll be writing to her for the next 7 years whilst she's in prison for malicious wounding after slicing the acchilles tendons of an unconscious man. So it was probably all for the best, looking back.

[RedexRobB]

In fact, I'll be writing to her for the next 7 years whilst she's in prison for malicious wounding after slicing the acchilles tendons of an unconscious man. So it was probably all for the best, looking back.

Bloody hell really? And i thought Baz said he specialised in psycho's! Sounds like shes been wathcing Hostel too!

[Brett]

I got dumped badly after 14yrs by a snobby bitch who decided I wasn't posh enough for her new found posh friends. 10 months later She was going out with my very rich best mate. That hit me bad. I could have bashed the little toad, but I didn't want her to know she had got to me.

I find exercise helps a lot when I'm feeling down, it also helps you sleep, which is generally harder to do when you're feeling crap. As well as this it makes you fitter.
It's a win win situation.

[RedexRobB]

I find exercise helps a lot when I'm feeling down, it also helps you sleep, which is generally harder to do when you're feeling crap. As well as this it makes you fitter.
It's a win win situation.

I second that one. Good stress reliver!

[masterofinsanity]

does it come in a bottle?

[Vard66]

I find exercise helps a lot when I'm feeling down, it also helps you sleep, which is generally harder to do when you're feeling crap. As well as this it makes you fitter.
It's a win win situation.

I second that one. Good stress reliver!

I'll third it, and further the suggestion by throwing 'martial art' into the mix.

Good for overall fitness, confidence, balance, toning up, but more than all that, working on your self discipline, and focus.
While I was in the Dojo when I was still doing Karate, I found it was almost impossible to concentrate on anything but Karate.

Time out from all the toad, mate, but time out doing something very productive.

[Caz]

agree with everyone who's said exercise helps, and 2nd that Vard - doing a martial art is great.
I do Tae Kwon Do, and I always feel so much more relaxed after a session, and it gives you something new to focus on - takes your mind off things. Pad work & board breaking can be a great stress reliever.

[superman]

jesus thats bad 14 years together then she fks off with you mate. i feel for you there mate. i feel bad now but if she went with 1 of my mates i would cripple both of em i think.

yea i went to the gym on tuesday and it did help me alot, iv also some how managed to loose 6 pounds from last friday to tuesday which is odd. maybe a chemical thing. (or perhaps a hole in my pocket!)

im going to work on making myself feel good for now as my confidence is rock bottom, in fact i have none lol. im very much considering taking up something else, but not sure what!